Dallas Morning News, The (TX)
The birds, the bees …
… and the books
Here’s what I found to make the talk a little easier, says GINA PERALES HETHCOCK
GINA PERALES HETHCOCK
Published: February 10, 2008
I knew someday I would give the talk to my three daughters. But I didn’t think it would come so soon. Thanks a lot, PBS.
The talk was supposed to go like this:
“You can’t have sex until you’re married at age 30, after a college degree and you’re making at least 50 grand. And you can’t date until you’re 16 (or 25, if my husband had his way). And if a boy tries to get ‘fresh’ you give him your best karate kick right where it counts.”
I’d give the talk when my eldest, Haley, reached the fifth grade and became curious.
Only she became curious two grades earlier than I had anticipated.
One night while channel surfing, we happened upon some mating baboons on PBS. I quickly turned the channel, but I feared it was too late.
“Mommy, were those monkeys having … ” she paused, then whispered loudly, ” … sex?”
My eyes bulged out of my head, and I seriously felt like laughing uncontrollably.
“How do you know about …” I whispered back, ” … sex?” (My public relations experience had taught me that when you don’t know what to say, ask another question.)
She answered nonchalantly, “My friends told me.”
What her friends had told her was more like the makings of first base rather than a home run.
Somehow I managed to stall the talk by saying her dad was still in Colorado Springs and on his way to Dallas, and we would have it then.
She took the bait. And my frantic search began.
I called all family members, except my parents, who never gave me the talk. (I ended up looking it up in the dictionary/encyclopedia in the fourth grade.)
My sister, a gynecologist, asked why I was making such a big deal. “Let her ask the questions, and you give her answers that are age-appropriate,” she said.
Age-appropriate? There is so much to cover, biologically and emotionally. How do I know what’s too much and what’s too little?
So I did the only thing I could: I headed for Barnes & Noble. She’s a visual learner, I reasoned. Maybe she can just read a book.
I walked up to the info counter, nervously grasping for the right words to ask a 20-something employee.
“Do you have any sex books?” I spewed. “I mean, biological books … for kids?”
He stared at me for a moment, and I was sure he would call the police.
“What age?”
“Eightish,” I said, thinking twice, “to 10ish.”
He took me to the kids “Growing Up” section where I found several books on sex and puberty on the very bottom shelf between “All About Horses” and “The Girls’ Club Kit.”
I found nine books about growing up. Three did not mention sex. One was so cute I had to include it in this review for moms with toddlers. Here’s what I found for less than $20:
*Before You Were Born, by Jennifer Davis. This book for very young children talks about where babies come from. It’s a lift-the-flap book. It is cute. I’d buy for my 2-year-old.
*Let’s Talk About S-E-X, by Sam Gitchel and Lorri Foster. A Planned Parenthood Book (ages 9-12). This book covers the whole enchilada, from STDs to contraception and whether a person is ready to be a mommy or daddy. It does not discuss dating or relationships, and it has boring pictures.
*It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robie H. Harris (ages 10 and up). I give this one four stars, with its cool illustrations and lots of info on everything from contraception to sex and puberty. But it has nothing about relationships and definitely too much information for an 8-year-old.
*Sex Puberty and All That Stuff, by Jaqui Bailey (ages 9 and up). This book was my favorite for this age group. It has the right mix of illustrations and copy. It covers sex, contraception, puberty, periods, pregnancy and also dating, relationships and why not to have sex. It is still too much for a just-turned 8-year-old, but definitely the next book to buy.
*It’s Not the Stork by Michael Emberley (ages 4 and up). Aaah: a little closer to what I had wanted. It has nice illustrations without too much detail and covers sex, puberty and marriage. It even has some pages illustrated like a comic book. It is almost too babyish, though.
*What’s the Big Secret, by Laurie Krashy Brown, Ed.D., and Marc Brown (yes, the famous author and illustrator of the Arthur book series). I did not see an age recommendation, but I would say it was right for 6- to 8-year-olds. It is very nicely illustrated and not too detailed or thick. It covers sex, relationships, marriage and pregnancy and more. I thought it was just perfect.
My husband and I reviewed the book before giving the talk. We planned the delivery. We anticipated the questions. We prepared our answers. (What do you expect from a former journalist?) And when Haley asked again about sex, we sat down and read the book. Yes, we were nervous. But it only took 30 minutes of our lives.
Haley grossed out on some parts. We grossed out on some parts with her. We made her promise she wouldn’t tell her friends, because we wanted their parents to tell them. And we didn’t want to ruin the surprise, now did we? We hugged, and then she played outside. No big deal.
My husband and I sighed simultaneously when it was all over.
One down, two to go.
I thought I would have a nice long break between Haley and my second one, Brooke. But shortly after Christmas, they both stormed into the living room giggling without coming up for air. Brooke had that mischievous look in her eye.
“Mom, Brooke thinks she knows what sex is,” Haley announced, her hands on her hips.
My husband poked his head up from under his newspaper and I looked at him and smiled. Break over. Now where was that book?
Gina Perales Hethcock of Plano is a communications director and a Community Voices volunteer columnist. Her e-mail address is ginaperales@yahoo.com. She can also be contacted at http://neighborsgo.com/gina.
Copyright 2008 The Dallas Morning News
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